After accepting a random friend request on a gaming app, your son starts chatting to a cute girl around the same age. She’s well versed in how to charm a hormone-fuelled teen. The pace picks up and escalates, becoming sexual in nature. She sends a nude photo.

Your son is reluctant but “Sasha” won’t let up. She eventually coerces him into sending explicit images of himself. Immediately, the conversation takes a dark turn, going from cute to criminal.

The stuff of nightmares

The above scenario has been the terrifying reality for thousands of Kiwis, some with tragic consequences.

Sextortion – blackmail targeting predominantly younger people online – has become so prolific and ruthless that many panicked victims harm themselves or worse.

“We have seen sextortion overseas leading to young people taking their own lives,” says Detective Senior Sergeant Kepal Richards, who oversees Police’s Online Child Exploitation Across New Zealand team (Oceanz).

“In New Zealand, we are aware of people self-harming after sextortion or being encouraged to do so by offenders, which is obviously extremely troubling.”

Kepal says a blackmailer’s demand can also be for more intimate material, sexual acts or attempts to control the victim’s behaviour but it is most often for money. Police figures show the average amount extorted is $1250; the most $12,000. Gift cards are popular followed by PayPal and cryptocurrency.

But the impact of sextortion is more than financial. There’s intense distress, embarrassment and fear that the material will be distributed – pain and anguish that perpetrators don’t care about. Most are based in Nigeria, the Philippines or the United States, which makes it difficult to hold offenders to account. Kepal says NZ Police does make referrals to international partner law enforcement agencies to investigate but that doesn’t always lead to an arrest.

How bad is it in Aotearoa?

Statistics paint a troubling picture on the prevalence of sextortion in New Zealand. Police deal with an average of 10 cases a week flagged as sextortion. Of the cases reported in the past six months, 88% of the victims were male, and 18% were under the age of 17. Most victims, 43%, were aged between 16 and 20.

“So it’s our young people most likely to be affected by this crime type,” Kepal says. “But in saying that, our youngest victim has been 11 and our oldest has been 79. It doesn't discriminate... anyone sharing intimate images online can fall victim to sextortion. “We know this is only the tip of the iceberg,” Kepal says. "Netsafe, an online safety organisation, receives far more reports of sextortion than Police.”

He says much of this offending, especially against young victims, is not reported to Police because of shame and humiliation. When it is reported, the offence is often recorded as blackmail. If the file doesn’t feature “sextortion”, it’s difficult to formulate a comprehensive picture of the issue.

“Knowing the scale of it, for example if it's a large number of offenders, organised-crime based or just an individual can also be useful.”

He says more surety would allow Police to effectively track trends or changes in modus operandi, allocate resources, link offenders’ accounts and better collaborate with international partners.

A cybercrime investigator’s review of blackmail cases reported to Police in July this year found that 72% of them were sextortion, but 53% of those didn’t include the key word “sextortion”. Of those missing that keyword, 60% were reported through the 105 line and 40% were through police stations.

“The best way for us to have the statistical picture that we want is for front counter staff, call takers and officers who take complaints to ensure they include ‘sextortion’ somewhere within the National Intelligence Application (NIA), ideally in the subject line or body of the report,” Kepal says.

What's the best advice?

“Sextortion is almost worse than being physically robbed on the street. Offenders are targeting you within your own home, in a place where you should feel safe. Not only do they gain your trust but they also take large sums of money, more than you would usually be carrying outside.”

Police use prevention education and awareness as their “biggest weapon” to combat sextortion, particularly focusing on young people and their parents reminding them they are not alone and there are people and agencies that can help.

“The best thing you can do is speak to someone you trust.

“If you're a parent, have open and honest conversations with your children. Let them know the dangers that are prevalent online and foster a safe environment where they can come and tell you if something like this happens. You can then work it out together.”

Kepal recommends kicking off the conversation with your children by watching a short film created by the National Centre for Missing and Exploited Children called No Escape Room.

“It's an interactive video where messages appear on the screen from someone trying to carry out sextortion and it offers options for you to click on with how you would respond. Depending on your answer, it navigates the outcome of the video based on that. It shows you how easily people can fall victim to this, and then how to go about keeping yourself safe. It’s really well done.”

He also advises parents to make it harder for their children to be blackmailed by ensuring privacy settings are secure and reviewed regularly to keep imagery safe and hide contact lists. “That goes even more so for ‘police parents’.”

Supervise young children’s internet access, know who they’re talking to and be wary of gaming platforms, which Kepal says, can be a popular platform for offenders.

“There are numerous ways that offenders are targeting young people via the internet.”

Ultimately, the best prevention is to never share illicit pictures online although Kepal accepts that young people do. He says that’s why it’s important you know who you are talking to online and you check your privacy settings.

“And remember, if the situation seems too good to be true, it probably is.”